Hi. I'm Andy.

Day 3: Shea Stadium?

2008-07-09T10:14:00.002-04:00

Welcome to New York City! What a hell hole!

We pulled into Shea Stadium parking around 3:30, once again, expecting to have stuff to do around the park, like at the friendly confines. No no! Not a thing to do anywhere near, which lead us to finding some water at a gas station and a parking pylon to sit on until the gates open at 5:05.

That is, until we found out that the gates didn't open until 6pm that night. What happened to being able to see batting practice? The ushers roll up the doors at Shea at 6p and we get inline, which actually moved fairly quickly. My bag checked fine (I'm not really sure what they are looking for when they poke around your bag?) and we headed up to the gate. The clerk scans my ticket, and a giant red STOP appears on his scanner.

Usher: "Lets see what we got here, boys"
Andy, to self: "Fuck. I got scammed on craigslist."
Usher: "Hmmm."
Andy, to self: "Damnit."
Usher: "Looks like you have tickets to tomorrow nights game."
Andy, to usher: "Hmm?"
Usher: "Yep. July 9th."
Andy, to general public: "Umm. We're supposed to be in Yankee stadium"

That's right. We were at Shea, in Flushing, at 6p and we needed to be in the Bronx. Holy crap!

We ran to my car, switched our tickets, grabbed the yankees tickets and dashed towards the subway. The 7 to grand central and the 4 to the Bronx.

7:07. We're dashing off the subway to get to the game by opening pitch. Sadly, we end up missing the first half inning while trying to run COMPLETELY around the stadium to our section, which, was an awful awful place to sit.

Andy Pettite and the Yankees ended up winning 5-0 against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

I understand that 9/11 was an American tragedy and that we need to remember those who died and those who have given their lives for our country. However, the one thing that gets on my nerves at ANY ball game is the singing of God Bless America in the 7th inning. Well, two things get on my nerves. God Bless America and... the WAVE. Holy hell, I hate the wave. Neither of these things happened at Fenway, and both happened in the Bronx. IN ADDITION to those two things, people started leaving in the bottom of the 7th inning! Seriously, NYC, you've been a disappointment.

NYC? Change my mind today, I dare you. Shea tonight, still very excited to see the Mets take on the Giants in what's known as one of the worst parks in the MLB.

Benson sings to NYC from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game: Yankee Stadium from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

Videos: The Drive

2008-07-09T09:19:00.002-04:00

At my buddy, Josh Clark's, house in Brooklyn, NYC. First time we've had some fairly quick, reliable WI-FI, so I thought I'd upload the photos and videos from our last three days. These are videos Benson shot during our drive to Boston on Sunday.

Do you know who the first person to drive 16 hours was? from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

Aborigine people from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

The First Pilgrim from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

The Blarney Stone from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

Day 2: Fenway Park

2008-07-08T09:24:00.001-04:00

Boston is simply amazing.

After leaving Finagle-a-bagel downtown, we took a walk over to Boston Harbor to recreate a picture Benson took during his winter tour of the city. Benson's phone had stopped working, so we headed to the Apple Store to talk to the Genius Bar, who ended up giving Benson a brand new iPhone. (No, not the 3g.)

From the apple store, we walked to Fenway Park. I really expected a party outside Fenway HOURS before the game, but at 4pm, not much was going on, so we headed to Fresh City, a local watering hole and natural eatery which had free WiFi. Chilled there for a bit, until 5, when we could get into Fenway to catch the Twins batting practice.

FENWAY WAS AMAZINGGGG! Best stadium I have been to hands down. And the fans were great! We talked to a few fellas around us who were excited to hear about our trip, talk about Johnny Damon being hurt, share stories about the city. Fenway fans are true baseball fans! Such a good time. We sang "Take Me Out to the Ball Game", "Sweet Caroline", and "I Love that Dirty Water" - which means, yes, the bosox won!

Dice-K pitched a hell of a shutout through 7 innings. We even got to see Papelbon come on and close her down! Let me tell you, when the Dropkick Murphy's come on, Fenway is a madhouse! It was such a good time to be in Fenway with true Boston fans. I've been dreaming of this day for YEARS.

Anyway, here's some videos of FENWAY. I'll upload more when I get back to Warsaw - I want to get as many stadiums online as possible. Here's the two best (check back next week for "Sweet Caroline"!)

Hope all is well, good friends. We're shipping out to NYC for the day - Mets tonight!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game: Fenway from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

Manny Rameriez Game Winning Single from Andrew Clark on Vimeo.

2 brothers, 7 days, 7 stadiums, 1 love: Day 1

2008-07-07T10:31:00.007-04:00

UPDATE: I had to hit the apple store up for a battery recharge for my phone and macbook. Here's the post that I wrote...3 hours ago.

Benson and I got into Boston around 10:30p last night, only to find ourselves calling hotels.com to get a bed for the night. We wound up at the Lord Wakefield, a rundown and rather drab establishment near 15 minutes north of Boston. I fell asleep writing a few good friends an email, only to wake up at 5a this morning ready to hit the bustle of downtown Boston. Benson, however, was enjoying the apparent comfort of his pillowtop. Close to 9a we headed out to begin our day.

Our drive here went about as well as a 16 hour drive could go. We left Leesburg, Indiana at 6a yesterday morning. It's hard to believe that it was only 29 hours ago. Our first stop for gas was just south of Cleveland. A few hours later we found ourselves discovering the rather plain town of Buffalo, New York, looking for The Anchor Bar and Grille - who claims to have the original buffalo wings. Benson and I ordered 20 mild wings, with 2 Dr. Pepper's and 1 Yuengling. The soda was shit, the wings mediocre and the beer delicious.

Tonight we will be watching Dice-K and the Boston Red Sox take on the Minnesota Twins at Fenway. This is the first of 7 games for our team of two, who will be touring New York, Philadelphia, Washington, Pittsburgh, and Detroit. I have shared a map of our adventures, if you are interested.

Sadly, I will not be meeting my friend Gary in Detroit at the end of our trip. He is racing sailboats from Port Huron to Mackinac Island until the 15th of July.

Battery and wireless signal are dying quickly. More later.

UPDATE: We're headed to FENWAY at 5:05 for redsox batting practice!

3 Tickets Down

2008-06-18T11:20:00.007-04:00

Well, I've purchased three tickets for my vacation in 3 weeks! (For those that don't know, my trip with benson is actually happening!)

First Leg
July 7 - Fenway Park
July 8 - Yankee Stadium
July 9 - Shea Stadium
July 10 - Citizens Bank Park

Second Leg - OPTION A
July 11 - Nationals Park
July 12 - PNC Park
July 13 - Progressive Field

Second Leg - OPTION B
July 11 - PNC Park
July 12 - Progressive Field
July 13 - Comerica Park

Second Leg - OPTION C
July 11 - PNC Park
July 12 - PNC Park
July 13 - Progressive Field

7/7/8 - Boston Red Sox v. Minnesota Twins @ Fenway Park

7/8/8 - New York Yankees v. Tampa Bay Devil Rays @ Yankee Stadium

7/9/8 - New York Mets v. San Francisco Giants @ Shea Stadium

Deep iChat Talks with CD

2008-06-03T14:16:00.002-04:00

Pretty good talks I had with my good friend Cameron who lives in India. He's a pretty smart dude, asking me about life. It's a little lengthy, but certainly worth reading... at least for me, it was.

Cameron Deyhle: panda, what gives?
Andy Clark: life is frustrating.
Cameron Deyhle: why no
Andy Clark: oh, you know.
Cameron Deyhle: lame, i was looking for some details and sexy details are the best
Andy Clark: the last two weeks i've worked 195 hours.
Andy Clark: my brother hasn't wanted to talk to me.
Andy Clark: i haven't talked to a group of guys for a few months now.
Andy Clark: i work so much that i fall asleep driving home at night.
Andy Clark: i'm pretty good at drinking whisky.
Andy Clark: i have a golden elephant on my desk.
Andy Clark: i've got money in the bank, i think i might quit my jobs and head somewhere away from here. just leave my stuff and disappear.
Cameron Deyhle: sounds like you need a creative release
Cameron Deyhle: all work man
Andy Clark: my sister graduated high school and i missed it.
Cameron Deyhle: i saw that, she graduated
Andy Clark: cigars are unusually good lately.
Cameron Deyhle: dude, you are sounding like a combination of you and an old guy
Cameron Deyhle: work, cigars, wisky, missing your daughters dance recital
Andy Clark: sometimes i can feel the gears slipping up stairs. like, seriously. cant think straight.
Cameron Deyhle: ok, so to be honest, you see the symptoms of overworking. have you thought about a solution?
Cameron Deyhle: and a solution that isnt just a temporary fling with an addictive?
Andy Clark: 4 words. gotta get that money.
Cameron Deyhle: 3 words. no you dont
Cameron Deyhle: this isnt your new lil wayne jam
Cameron Deyhle: this is reality
Cameron Deyhle: everyone learns a lesson sometime in live. either at an early age or when they are nearing death. "I spent too much time chasing that money"
Andy Clark: i had sunday off. it was strange time for me.
Cameron Deyhle: why? strange
Andy Clark: felt real....unproductive.
Andy Clark: last i checked i gotta pay these bills.
Andy Clark: and i like to have a little style and a little flash.
Cameron Deyhle: yes, exactly, like i said, temporary
Andy Clark: so, i work hard until i get a day off. then i spend some cash and enjoy myself.
Cameron Deyhle: and be sure to take this as love
Cameron Deyhle: i dont like to hate on the andy
Andy Clark: im 22. single. right now all i've got is me.
Cameron Deyhle: temporary, right now
Andy Clark: i just dont know what else i'd do.
Cameron Deyhle: dude, the future you is going to hate the now you
Cameron Deyhle: you could spend more time asking youself important questions instead of avoiding the asking of them
Cameron Deyhle: or you can keep on the course that is working so well for you
Cameron Deyhle: the path that is going to lead to more of the same of the things that bother you
Andy Clark: mmph.
Cameron Deyhle: indeed
Andy Clark: i just dont know what i'd change. Andrew Clakr: i love my work as a bartender. it's enjoyable for me. i make good money and laugh and have a good time, most of the time.
Andy Clark: i HAVE to work as a programmer. otherwise it's useless for me to have that degree.
Cameron Deyhle: you dont have to do anything
Andy Clark: it's not smart for me to quit programming
Cameron Deyhle: noone is telling you to quit
Cameron Deyhle: well man, a happy content man doesnt bother to wonder about what needs changing
Cameron Deyhle: if you want the opinion from me. and that is me, the one who hasnt really seen you in years other than on this here box, you gotta decide what is going on in your life. specifically, why am i spending so much of my time and resourses on temporary? things that make me feel good for a month (phones), or a week (a hat or two), a day (sneakers) or 5 minutes (a cigar)
Cameron Deyhle: hey, and these things are great
Cameron Deyhle: but so was the stuff that was great before you upgraded to these new great things
Cameron Deyhle: and the things you upgrade to in another month will be great too
Cameron Deyhle: but it all is costing you money and that is why you are working soo many hours
Cameron Deyhle: and since you work so many hours, you feel like you have to reward yourself at the end of the hard week with a spending spree
Cameron Deyhle: and the cycle is completed at that point
Cameron Deyhle: the advertisements are not real. thats why we fall for them every time
Cameron Deyhle: and to prove my point, we surround ourselves with people who fall for the same traps as us to make ourselves think it is normal to live like this
Andy Clark: what you say sounds so smart
Cameron Deyhle: yes, cause its what you say from time to time. but then you get distracted and forget to think about it
Andy Clark: but....so different, sometimes, you know.
Cameron Deyhle: hey. like i said. you will learn it now or later, that is a guarantee
Cameron Deyhle: the hardest challange in life is to decide to really spend some time trying to figure out what is missing in your life?
Cameron Deyhle: why this madness of trying to fill ourselves up day to day with these temporary things?
Cameron Deyhle: they make us feel soo good... for a while
Cameron Deyhle: and you know im being serious with you because i didnt even quote anything from pop culture
Cameron Deyhle: and, andrew, i love you, you are my brother, my friend
Cameron Deyhle: there is no smile in your photo Cameron Deyhle and there is no smile on your heart
Andy Clark: mmph. hard ichat talks. we are good at those.

The Clocks of Hand Industries

2008-05-27T10:06:00.002-04:00

Photos I took a while back of the numerous analog clocks around Hand Industries.

Weekend Update

2008-04-28T09:34:00.004-04:00

Weekend update - did some major yard-whipping-into-shape this weekend, which included buying some new power tools (here and here.) Also picked up some pressure treated lumber and built a bench for the firepit, which, after a major assraking, is now cleaned up and ready to be burnt in.

Scott came out and helped do some work - including trimming up the side yard, moving a downed tree, and getting hogtown cleaned up.

I'm totally in hog mode. Getting the yard cleaned up made me real excited for this weekend, which, unfortunately, is looking like a bit of rain. Either way, we'll still be partying down and smoking 125 pounds of pork over the open fire. Goodnight, nurse.

Cleaned up the baksetball court, got rid of most the debris around. The hog pit will be moved due north 60 yards, to the now cleaned cement slab it was originally intended to be built on.

Burnpit full of debris from the yard. There are 2 more trees that are looking keen to burn - we'll see how the night goes.

Back yard, trimmed up a bit.

Location of the hog cooker. This place will work a bit better, with electricity and room enough to operate. Plus, it will free up the basketball court for serving and throwing down.

The back yard after a days work.

Bench Abbie Proud and I built. Very simple, not the best looking, but very sitable. Will most likely be building 2 more before this weekend.

The tree and other burnables for May 3.

All in all, getting geared up for this weekend. We'll see what we can do, even though Jamie Simpson would call for rain on Saturday.

An Email from Benson

2008-04-01T08:13:00.004-04:00

Cousin,

Here's what I came up with.

SUNDAY JULY 6:
DRIVE TOWARDS BOSTON

MONDAY JULY 7:
ARRIVE IN BOSTON
Twins @ Red Sox
EAT A REUBEN

TUESDAY JULY 8:
FINAGLE A BAGEL
DRIVE TO NEW YORK
Giants @ Mets
WHAT DO YOU EAT THERE, PIZZA OR SOMETHING?

WEDNESDAY JULY 9:
Devil Rays @ Yankees
DRIVE TO PHILADELPHIA
LEGITIMATE PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS?

THURSDAY JULY 10:
Cardinals @ Phillies
DRIVE TO PITTSBURGH
CONSUME SEVERAL PRIMANTI CAPPICOLAS

FRIDAY JULY 11:
Nationals @ Pirates
CONSUME SEVERAL PRIMANTI CAPPICOLAS

SATURDAY JULY 12:
Nationals @ Pirates
CONSUME SEVERAL PRIMANTI CAPPICOLAS

SUNDAY JULY 13:
[DRIVE TO CLEVELAND EITHER THAT NIGHT, or THIS MORNING]
Rays @ Indians
EAT SOMETHING RIDICULOUS
DRIVE TO WARSAW

Your #1 fan,

Benson Clark

Spring cleaning.

2008-01-22T20:56:00.000-05:00

One of my friends from Dayton takes the month of July off every year. He doesn't take a vacation, leave work, or just relax with his buddies. He takes a month off from talking. He does this to better his work, focusing on what he cares most about - his art.

I have written in my journal about this before, perhaps even jokingly talked about it with a few of my close friends. However, with the occurrences of the last week, I feel led, more than ever, to take this action in my life. Please know that this is not a plead to win back broken relationships, it is not enforced by some sort of ultimatum, and is in no way an instance of me being pressured into anything whatsoever. I have decided to do this for my own good - because the incidents in my life over the past week have reminded me that I have fallen astray, both in my walk with Christ, with my earned trust from my friends, and in my daily life as a Christian.

Starting Wednesday, the 23rd of January, I will be on recess until March 1, 2008. This is not a recess where children are released from their school rooms to play outside - this is a resuscitate. During my time away, I will be using my free time to think, pray, journal, and read. I need to refocus my lifestyle on one which I have chosen to live, not one that I have fallen into. I need to decide what is important to me and for my life. I need to tangle with choices I've made in the past 8 months and realize the damage that I have done not only to myself, but to those around me that I deeply care for.

Over the next month, I will not be responding to facebook messages and comments. Majority of the time my phone will be turned off, as I will not be responding to text-messages and most phone calls. My personal iChat and AIM will remain signed off. I will not be consuming alcohol while on recess, playing XBOX, or idling online. I will, however, be online for work related activities. I will also be continuing my second job as a waiter and bartender.

I ask for your help over the next month. While it may be hard to pause our relationship, please understand that I need time to myself. I need to be able to internally process where my life is headed. I need to finally make the shift from being a rebellious college boy to taking on the responsibilities of my adult life. Please do not try and contact me to just say "hi" or to see how I'm doing, don't come into work to sit at my table, don't come to my house to check on me.

If you need to get in contact with me, the best way to do so will be via email ( mrandyclark@gmail.com ) or by leaving a voicemail on my phone - 937.409.5421. Realize that unless it is an emergency, I will most likely not respond.

Please understand that I care so much about you. I very much look forward to returning from this a new person, one with a renewed spirit, a deeper understanding of life, and one able to take responsibility for his actions.

Yours very truly.
Andrew Clark.

Window Shopper

2008-01-21T14:18:00.000-05:00

In American Gangster, a mobster tells Frank,
"It's success that took a shot at you."

People see you making it happen.
See your car, your watch, your material.
See the flash, the "bling";
Hear the loud music, the rumors,
Hear what other people think they know.
Think they have you figured out.

Some focus on bad things,
the things they hear,
the things they perceive.

They don't hear the stories,
you know, the good ones,
or maybe they ignore them.

People hurt others, it happens.
Even when you're on the top,
you still get hurt, it just happens.

Sorry, boy, you don't know me.

People are funny

2008-01-20T14:51:00.000-05:00

People...are funny sometimes.

2008-01-19T01:05:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in a bar
sipping my makers and
doctor, listening to a man
named dickie
sing a song about
how "he never
wants to see that bitch again...
...keep the bullshit to yourself."

I feel at peace hearing that song.

See ya!

White Boy

2008-01-17T10:49:00.001-05:00

Why can't a white boy
listen to rap,
trick out his car,
wear dunks,
or be fresh?

I like my beats;
my bump in the trunk.
I like shooter movies.
and just being cool.
White people...
don't get it sometimes.

"I'm going to tell you right now,
white people are crazy."
-Raineesha Williams / Reno 911

Friendship

2008-01-04T11:11:00.000-05:00

When you owe someone,
you don't enjoy them.
When someone owes you,
you don't enjoy them.

Weather you owe someone,
or someone owes you,
you don't enjoy them.

Debts are hard things to overcome.
Bill collectors are often despised.
Really, we just don't want to be evicted.

Dreams

2008-01-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

Last night I had 3 weird dreams.

First. Benson and I were talking
to one of my old friends,
who had taken my glasses.
We were driving the v-dub.
And saw some menace stealing cars in front of us.
I said "he knows this is the fastest car,
everyone else drives an SUV."
So we jumped in an SUV.
and I backed over a German Shepard.

Second. I was driving the v-dub.
Bees in the back window talking to me.
Opened the window.
Someone had left their baby in my back seat.
Sped to the orpanage.
While I was filling out paperwork,
a blind child came to me,
and said, "can you see me?
because I can't see myself."

Third.
Well, I can't remember the third.
I remembered it when I woke up this morning.

Dreams will get you, grip you, and mess you up.

Snow is falling.

2008-01-02T08:06:00.000-05:00

Last night the snow was falling,
much like rain, instead of snow.
I'm ready for spring, but I think most people say that in the winter.
Then in the spring, we are ready for summer.
In the summer, fall; in the fall, winter.
Always wanting what we don't have.
Wishing everything away.

I start bartending tonight.
Instead of programming programs,
I'll be pouring drinks for the drunks.
I'm pretty excited about that.

Last night I slept awful.
Bad dreams usually mean bad rest, for me.
I woke up so so so thirsty.
I thought about drinking mayonnaise,
because it was the first thing I saw,
when I opened the fridge.

Royal Typewriter

2007-12-31T11:22:00.001-05:00

Mom found a royal typewriter

for my christmas gift.

I've been thinking Christmas gifts are a bit odd.

Here's a present.

It's not your birthday.

I suppose that Christmas has ventured far from

true christmas.

What is true Christmas?

The typewriter types nice letters.

It makes nice noises.

It's a lot of fun to type on.

I suppose I will type something later.

I have thoughts for new years.

The usual thoughts people have.

Reasons Why I am Armed with Food

2007-10-18T09:14:00.000-04:00

At 9:15 last night, Erin showed up at my door, with 2 whopper juniors, 2 small fries, 2 coke slushies, and this list of 34 (actually 33) reasons why we should quit the master cleanse. I mean, who am I to turn down a whopper junior?

Reasons Why I am Armed with Food - a list by Erin Dell

No one has to know.
You don't judge.
We want to stop eliminating, it hurts.
We're hungry.
Food is good.
I got free candy in class...to share.
Grade B Maple Syrup costs $7.99 and is only available in small containers between the hours of 9:30am and 4:30pm.
We like food.
We have working tastebuds.
"Dr. Glickmann" has no available contact information.
The inside of my mouth tastes awful.
The tea is worse than mud, gagging occurs, and a girl who uses it for medicinal purpopses has to add sugar to get it down.
Salt Water Flush.
Dark green eliminations.
[ number 15 was skipped on the list. ]
Poop that is water.
Cramps.
Hot, burning pepper.
Earlier mornings.
Anticipation of elimination.
You have to be well for vacation to Pittsburgh.
Jesus never did the master cleanse.
I was cold all day long, with goosebumps.
I got you gift cards to all suitable fast food establishments for your birthday.
You have a freaking meat wallet.
We tend to eat socially.
You host hog roasts, rib fests, and grill-offs.
You are skinny. (we are skinny.)
Regular water, which I used to enjoy, is now defiled, forever.
We found Waddles...and took our friends.
I enjoy having enamel on my teeth.
We once lived for coke slushies.
Hairy coo.
We are stronger and better than the Master Cleanse.

Here's to you, Peter Glickmann.

Master Cleanse: Day 1

2007-10-17T16:30:00.001-04:00

Gotta say, the lemonade is fifty times better than the shit-tea or the brackish water. This is my second one today.

Urgent eliminations happened this afternoon around 2pm. Nothing to speak of, soupy and wet.

Expect a video from Erin and I tonight. Most likely eating a pizza.

Bottoms up.

Master Cleanse Day 1

2007-10-17T08:13:00.001-04:00

Erin and I started the Master Cleanse last night.

The Master Cleanse is a detox diet (see, "fast"). First thing in the morning, I drink a 32 oz salt water flush, which tastes like I am drinking straight from the Dead Sea itself. Two hours after the SWF, I drink a glass of "smoth move" laxative tea, which tastes like a mixture of old oatmeal and cinnamon candles (not just cinnamon...that fake cinnamon smell from cheap kmart candles). Two hours after the laxative tea, I start drinking my 10 glasses of a lemonade mixture that consists of fresh-squeezed lemon, grade-B maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. Two hours before bed, another glass of laxative tea.

No food.
No soda.
No beersies.
Just lemonade.

I haven't had the lemonade mix yet, but the Smooth Move and the salt water are just about the worst things I have ever tasted.

Some guys do 40 days on the Master Cleanse, I however, will be so happy if I make it to day 5. Goal is 7 days, ending just before my possible trip to Pittsburgh.

The "science" behind the Master Cleanse is this. Laxative tea gets things loose inside you. The extra acid (lemons) from the lemonade helps your stomach process. The cayenne pepper rips through all the mucus in your body. Then, while all this gunk is floating around inside you, you hit it with the salt water, which flushes your system. Peter Glickman, who wrote a book about the Master Cleanse, says that 30-45 minutes after you drink the salt water down, you get a serious bowel movement, which he calls "urgent eliminations."

Today I woke up at 6am to drink my salt water with Erin. We both groaned through it, but we drank it down. I went back to sleep until 7:25, when I woke up and got ready. On my way to work I almost doubled over in my car because my insides were killing me! I got here, punched in, ran up stairs, and almost didn't make it to the ceramic throne!

I've since pooped again, making 2 "urgent eliminations" this morning. I'm going to talk about poop for a minute, so if that grosses you out, you might want to skip the next paragraph.

My poop is absolutely nasty. All liquid, dark green in color. It took a while to drop, mostly with a lot of gas (see, toxic) and a little man power (see, heaving.) Once the first chunk was gone, it was like Moses opened the flood gates and the mighty Nile was flowing into my porcelain hopper. Probably one of the most disgusting craps of my entire life. Ten days will be a pain. First session was at 7:40, second session was at 8:05.

So, here's to you, Peter Glickman. Thanks for making my morning...shitty.

RANT.

2007-10-06T16:26:00.001-04:00

It's probably not the wisest move to start a blog with a rant about one's latest experience with corporate America, but honestly, this is one of the most insane occurrences with American
culture that I've had in some time.

Recently I've built myself a pneumatic rifle that shoots golf balls using air pressure stored in a chamber. With the sidelining of my air pump (it was cheap) - I set out to find a replacement. For some reason, I ended up at Kmart - a store that has been damned by the Clark family for sometime, though on special occasions we've ended up there, mainly when we are looking for an item so unbelievably cheap that no other store would carry it. Today I had a small checklist - air pump, nerf balls, and maybe some entertainment for tonight.

I first wandred into the sporting goods aisle and found the mid range Schwinn air pump. The pump features a metal body, rubber hose, and is rated to 160psi. Wonderful.

My next stop was the golf aisle. Nerf balls were rather expensive ( 5.99$ for 5 ) - so, I figured practice golf balls would do the trick. They were a bit cheaper ( 3.99$ for 6 ), but I'll need to find a way to keep them around, because they are not quite cheap enough to use once.

On my way to the checkout, I spotted "The Jungle Book" Platinum Edition. (remember to see sidenote A at the end of this entry.) I've been waiting for The Jungle Book to come out of the ever mysterious Disney Vault for some time - I knew it had came out Tuesday to DVD nationwide, and had planned to purchase one of my all time favorite movies. For the last month I've been singing the beat boxing King Louie's "I wan'na be like you" in pure excitement for this film.

I grab one off the shelf and head to the checkout queue. Here's where the audacity of my trip begins.

First things first. I was unaware that it takes 2 college girls and one middle aged mom to operate a Kmart cashiers post. I was second in line and I waited 10 minutes to even get to the checkout counter.

After I get to the counter, I smile and do the usual chit-chat that you do with tellers at stores. Karen Z. scans the first of my three items - practice golf balls. $3.99. Check. She scans the second item, The Jungle Book - $19.99. Check. She scans the third item - Schwinn Air Diver 1000. Er...wait.

Karen Z. : "Ummmm...this didn't scan."
College girl #2. : "I think it needs his birth date."
Middle-aged mom: "That's what it's asking for. It needs his birth date."
Karen Z. : "Can I see your drivers license?"
Andy (to Karen Z) : "Sure."
Andy (to c.g.2., with furrowed brow) : "You are carding me for buying 'The Jungle Book'?"
C.g.2. : "I guess."

Do I look 17 years old? I'm almost certain that I look at least 20. But, I'll let the 3 cashiers slide for not guessing my age and blame that on the Kmart higherups who engineered the software on their cashier stations.

Why am I being carded for Walt Disney's The Jungle Book? I mean, honestly. The Jungle Book is rated G for General Audiences - all ages admitted. I understand being carded for being under 18 and buying an album that has Parental Advisory stamped all over it. I understand carding me when I purchase a 6 pack of Blue Moon. Both things considered - there should be no problem buying the 2-dvd set of Walt Disney's creation of Rudyard Kipling's collection of stories.

My name is Andrew Clark, and I've been carded to buy a toddler's movie.

Sidenote A: Mom recently called me and said she has the greatest surprise of all time in the mail. Walking out to my car from Kmart, I put two-and-two together and thought to myself..."mom probably sent me the jungle book." If that's the case, I'm sorry mommy. I'll take my version back. Ha.

First Post

2007-10-06T10:20:00.001-04:00

Hello.